Tuesday, March 17, 2009

A void of mine has been filled

Not all of you may know, but for the majority of my life, I've had a single parent. My mom inspires me to reach for the unreachable, but my dad has never been around. I don't dwell on it, and I never have since the day we stopped being with him. I've thought about him though. I've thought about if he's really changed or not. If he's become a better man, and one on fire for God. The two most important things I've gotten from him though, are my older half-brother and sister, Travis, and Andrea. I'm the youngest of us three, and for the past ten years I've often thought about and wondered what they were doing that second. If they thought about me, if they cared. And deep down inside of me, I knew God did, and that's all that mattered. You see, God has drastically changed me as a person. He's my true father, the only father I truly need. And from him, I have drawn so much passion, forgiveness, and character. In him, I am complete.

A few weeks back, my life was going great. I was focusing on school, and my future after I graduate. Then, one day after school, I decided I would check my e-mail. Who knows what I might've gotten besides the usual junk mail? I didn't think much about it. Until, I found a letter sent with the subject titled "Dad." After reading it, I passed through several emotions all at the same time. My heart became filled with anger, sadness, question, hope, but I just felt so overcome by it. The e-mail was from his now girlfriend, and she talked about how now he wanted to see me, and actually have something to do with me. You don't know how much I hate saying this, but I was bitter after I read that letter. The single thought crossed my mind as to why did all of a sudden now, after ten years of nothing, did my father want something to do with me? Then I sat back, and thought to myself. There was more to it. A lot more. I talked to my mom more and more. I saw how uncomfortable it made her just even thinking about him. It troubled me to know, that still to this day, she's still afraid of him. But it also made me feel extremely comforted that she told me it was strictly up to me when it came to deciding what I should do.

I went to God. I prayed for two weeks that he would give me the right decision to make. After that I forgot about it. I was calm, and didn't have a bother at all from it. I simply replied back to her, and told her how I felt about the situation, and I also told her to give my e-mail address to my brother and sister. And telling her to do that was the right decision he gave me.

You see, a few days after that, I got another e-mail. I was rather nervous to see as to who it was from, and what it was about. I looked, and it was from my sister.

I can't explain how it felt when I read her words. So many feelings of joy, excitement, glee, happiness, whatever you want to call it, shot through me. Her e-mail wasn't about two different sides to the story, it was about her and Travis's love for me. They're two Godly people who are dedicated to Christ, and to know that they were just as excited to finally talk to me as I was to them excites me even more! I know that this is what God wanted me to gain from this experience. A void of part of my family has been filled. And I owe an immense amount of glory, and thanks to God for that. For he has planned what is to come in my life, and he has done it perfectly. Jer. 29:11

Saturday, February 14, 2009

To not realize it would make me a fool...

My sophomore year has been so much harder than my freshman year was, but yet so much rewarding. God has brought me through so much this year, and also made me a better person. He's also given me many more oppurtunities to do more too, like Student Council, and band. I mean, knowing that I'm going to state for student council, and now band as well rocks my socks!! I even get to get my letterman jacket next year too! Geez, this year has been great, even though all the work has been very stressful at times. But, I am thankful to God, and I will always be thankful to him.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Well, it's been awhile........too long actually...

Wow, I can't it's been so long since my last blog. This is my first blog to type now that I'm sixteen! Hahaha. And I'm actually on the last Twilight book in the series too...... This series has taken me a very short time to read. They're amazing books too! I thought they would be really corny and cheesy romance novels at first, but whoa, was I surprised or what? Other than that my time as been focused on school, more school, and then waiting impatiently for Christmas Break to get here. IT'S ONLY TWO DAYS AWAY NOW! haha I'm so glad too. I need a break from reality so bad...... Even though, I'll be ever to get away from reality. Reality is harsh, but, it's not enough to break me from my core. My core, it self, has been tested by stress this last six weeks. Might I add that I'm not that durable when it comes to stress either. I made it though, thanks to Jesus lol seriously though, I wouldn't have if it weren't for him. I love testing my faith for some reason. Though it's risky, I do it. My faith is the most important thing I have in Christ. I'm pretty sure it's one of my most important spiritual gifts too. And when I think about it, my family as a whole, isn't a faith based thing. They're most focused on doing, than knowing. They're believers, but worry warts at the same time basically lol. Knowing for me, changes my whole perspective most of the time. For instance, I know that I have a purpose, I have faith that I have a purpose here in the world. For some people, knowing isn't enough, they seem to have to make it all on their own. The fact that I don't have to make it, that I only have to have faith, changes everything..............*sigh* I wish that bell would ring hehe

Monday, October 27, 2008

When will my hunger cease??

OMG!! I'm sitting here in BCIS and I'm absolutely starving to death......I hope whatever we're eating for lunch is delectable. Anyways, sorry for my randomness......Marching season is now a little less stressed since we're done with contests. I feel like it'll be a lot more fun since we'll be able to play more at games and pep rallies. I feel like in the future that I'm going to have to step up after some of the other upperclassmen graduate. I'm not scared, but just a little bit nervous..... I hope that when my other classmates and I do step up, that underclassmen will take ear to it. That's what I'm afraid of........ maybe not being listened to, or cared about.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

What a miraculous day......

Wow, I never cease to be amazed by God. Today at Marching contest we did amazing, and I know it's because we put our faith in the Lord. When they called out "Rusk.....Division......One," everyone rose and screamed in victory. It was truly an eye-opening moment. To see that beautiful scene made my heart skip a beat and thank Jesus in my head. I had forgotten how good it felt hearing "Rusk.....Division...One." Hearing that made me feel so dedicated to the band, but it also made me feel dedicated to Christ. And that is what my main focus needs to be, no matter what is going on in my life. For when I am dedicated to God, I will always feel those emotions that I felt today as we rose in victory and joy.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Wow, blog spot isn't blocked at school.....

Well I'm sitting here by Laura in B.C.I.S. class, just created my blog. So yeah, a tad excited about that....OH!! Can't forget...Marching contest is tomorrow, and I have faith that no matter what the outcome is of our score, that GOD will satisfy us, and keep us unified in him. When I think about marching tomorrow, I can't help but get just a little nervous, but way excited at the same time. I think it's because I'm excited to see how God will work through us tomorrow. Have I ever mentioned how boring it is here in B.C.I.S. class........very boring....anyways, please pray for us and come watch as we march our little patooteys off......is that a word? Patooteys.........the World may never know........