Tuesday, March 17, 2009

A void of mine has been filled

Not all of you may know, but for the majority of my life, I've had a single parent. My mom inspires me to reach for the unreachable, but my dad has never been around. I don't dwell on it, and I never have since the day we stopped being with him. I've thought about him though. I've thought about if he's really changed or not. If he's become a better man, and one on fire for God. The two most important things I've gotten from him though, are my older half-brother and sister, Travis, and Andrea. I'm the youngest of us three, and for the past ten years I've often thought about and wondered what they were doing that second. If they thought about me, if they cared. And deep down inside of me, I knew God did, and that's all that mattered. You see, God has drastically changed me as a person. He's my true father, the only father I truly need. And from him, I have drawn so much passion, forgiveness, and character. In him, I am complete.

A few weeks back, my life was going great. I was focusing on school, and my future after I graduate. Then, one day after school, I decided I would check my e-mail. Who knows what I might've gotten besides the usual junk mail? I didn't think much about it. Until, I found a letter sent with the subject titled "Dad." After reading it, I passed through several emotions all at the same time. My heart became filled with anger, sadness, question, hope, but I just felt so overcome by it. The e-mail was from his now girlfriend, and she talked about how now he wanted to see me, and actually have something to do with me. You don't know how much I hate saying this, but I was bitter after I read that letter. The single thought crossed my mind as to why did all of a sudden now, after ten years of nothing, did my father want something to do with me? Then I sat back, and thought to myself. There was more to it. A lot more. I talked to my mom more and more. I saw how uncomfortable it made her just even thinking about him. It troubled me to know, that still to this day, she's still afraid of him. But it also made me feel extremely comforted that she told me it was strictly up to me when it came to deciding what I should do.

I went to God. I prayed for two weeks that he would give me the right decision to make. After that I forgot about it. I was calm, and didn't have a bother at all from it. I simply replied back to her, and told her how I felt about the situation, and I also told her to give my e-mail address to my brother and sister. And telling her to do that was the right decision he gave me.

You see, a few days after that, I got another e-mail. I was rather nervous to see as to who it was from, and what it was about. I looked, and it was from my sister.

I can't explain how it felt when I read her words. So many feelings of joy, excitement, glee, happiness, whatever you want to call it, shot through me. Her e-mail wasn't about two different sides to the story, it was about her and Travis's love for me. They're two Godly people who are dedicated to Christ, and to know that they were just as excited to finally talk to me as I was to them excites me even more! I know that this is what God wanted me to gain from this experience. A void of part of my family has been filled. And I owe an immense amount of glory, and thanks to God for that. For he has planned what is to come in my life, and he has done it perfectly. Jer. 29:11

No comments: